I See Famous People (#1 in a series)

Stephen King - What kind of guts does the "Master of Horror" really have?

Are there that many celebrities wandering around, or is it just me?

Perhaps it's because I've lived in California most of my life, but I seem to have bumped into, or been in close proximity with enough "famous" people that I've started making a list. From Carrot Top walking by me on the street, to being kissed by Fonzie's girlfriend.

It began in my early teens, when I was living in southern Orange County. I found out that the Battle of the Network Stars was being filmed in my hometown, and I somehow managed to be in enough of the right places at the right times to actually get chummy with a few big (back then) celebs. I'll try and dig up the pictures I took with my little instamatic, and post them for your amusement along with the full story later.

In the meantime, here's a recent example. One of the hotels I work for is the Claremont Spa & Resort. It's a huge old complex set into the Berkeley hills, built during the early 1900s. I didn't know it at the time, but Stephen King was there for a photo shoot (which is appropriate, because this hotel could easily have been used as an understudy for The Shining).

Anyway, I'm coming out of one of the offices, which is across from a men's bathroom, and I see Stephen King. Well, actually, I only see the back of some guy going into the men's room, but for some reason I instantly think, "Hey, that's Stephen King!"

If you've seen pictures of him on the jackets of his books, or his cameos in fine films like "Creepshow," you know he's got a very distinctive look. But I'm not quite sure, so I think, okay, I'll just go in and wash my hands, and see if I was right. So I go in there, and no one is around. No one standing at the urinals, or at the sink. Creepy. Then I look over, and see two sets of shoes visible in adjascent toilet stalls. Hmm...

I begin to wonder. Which one could it be? What kind of shoes would he wear? Did the other guy see him on the way in? How do you let yourself relax enough to poop next to Stephen King? Does Stephen King have problems letting go if someone knows he's in there? Am I going to stand out here for five minutes like a character out of one of his novels?

Back in the hallway, I'm still a little curious to see if I'm right, so I sort of hang out in the office doorway and act like I'm doing something. Soon, there he is. And you know what? He's not in bad shape for an older guy who was recently punted like a football by a speeding van. Anyway, he looks over at me, and I smile at him in a sort of acknowledging way, trying not to have a "Hey, you're Stephen King!" look on my face.

Which brings me to my unwritten policy regarding celebrities. I try not to bother them if I can help it. Even if I'm put into a situation where I am forced to say "Hello," I try to keep it on a small talk level, like they're regular people. Sure, a lot of them are egotistical assholes or they wouldn't be famous in the first place, but they already get stared at enough in public, and bothered when they're trying to eat. What am I going to say anyway, except, "Hey, you're you and wow, you're three dimensional!"?

So I don't say anything to Stephen King, although I've enjoyed a lot of his stories. Maybe if I was fortunate enough to be at a small gathering or a dinner, I might tell him I appreciated the book he wrote about writing. But not much to say here: "Hey there, Mr. King, I sure enjoyed the climax from your lunch! Har dee har har!"

More on my charmed life, later.